An distant memory
One of the nice things about moving house and packing, is that sometimes, you discover elements of your past self inadvertently. I discovered and old 3.5″ floppy disc the other day while go through my drawers and true enough, its contents were a time capsule. I remember now that to help me through difficult times in university and early work stressors, I would write to vent. It’s by no coincidence that since meeting Marianne, the muse has long been lost. I can’t even vaguely remember the last time I wrote something poetic. I like to believe that my artistic expression has moved on to the visual medium of photography.
This is the poem titled “Drive By”. It was written in 1999 during which people who know me, will know the problem that created this poem.
I remember when we used to cry
Never a reason , never knew why.
You used to smile and gently stroke
The tears of ire which soured our bliss
With every phrase and heartless kiss
You fed me hope , my love to yoke
I never knew that in my peace
You’d sold your heart , another’s lease
You loved me still or so it seemed
Illusions I wish I’d never dreamed
Left me alone to play my part
But all the while we drifted apart
A rotting raft I captained in death
He stole your light, incurred my wrath.
It was so clear, the cold in your grasp
Each phrase of love a forceful rasp
But I was blind and drowned by love
Fighting the swirl for the air above
And yet it seemed, all so sudden
The day they rose ,the truths so hidden
You crushed my will, my arms in leather
The air above , a distant shimmer
I’ve driven by the places we met
Swallowing down the bitter regret
I’ve walked alone the riverside walks
Throwing crumbs to the silent flocks
Cool wind blows past , my eyes sorely blind
But my memories of you ,still burn in my mind.
The fire had faded, the embers still warm
When displaced I did, my intentions of harm
I hated the man I’d see as a joke
A thief of the night, stealing my hope
I could not accept , the blame was all mine
Love you or hate you, the thinnest black line
I’d placed you upon that altar of guilt
Roses around you, threatened to wilt
But around your face, they flower and live
That this was cold fate, I’ll never believe.
My thoughts were awry , a danger to you
So I’ve let you be free in all that you do
Drive by your home once in a while
Remembering your touch, the warmth in your smile
Then drive away meekly to aimlessly roam
My heart still beating without a true home.
The fire has faded , the ashes are cold
Swept and forgotten , my story now told.
—–end of sadness circa 1999——-
ok, now for something a little more cheery : an image of sunrise taken this morning from Saint Kilda Beach.
The days still pass as water flows
The ebb and tide through dusk and dawn
As grief abates and gladness glows
Tears forlorn, so far, so gone.
—-end of peace circa 2009—-